White flags.....

Sad times..My grandma's elder sister died and had to attend the funeral today. One thing that I've figured out about me is that I find it very hard to cope up with partings. When some one leaves there's this sudden emotional rush that I get. Although I do my to best stop the tears, emotionally I find it very hard to face them. This person who died knew me well. But of course she was living very far, so we hardly met. But still today I got that emotional rush which I find very strange. Mainly because I know that I'm not that sensitive in a lot of matters. Although I have to say that I have certain matters I find myself very sensitive. I guess this one of them.

I can remember when I was 13 years old my mom went abroad. Just for a month to visit her brother in Aussie. I guess she knew that I would find it hard to face the fact that she's leaving for a month, and both my parents lied to me that she'll be off for some conference and will be back in a short time. But when I found out that she was actually gone abroad I wept my eyes off. Again after 3 or 4 years she went abroad but this time she told me. That time of coz I was older and I fought back my tears. Even then tears were imminent. Now I guess I'm out of that ordeal. But still I find it hard to face some one parting from this world!!!

The thoughts that run through my mind's pretty complex at that sort of time. I mean, I get this sudden realization about life that it's not permanent. And how I'd cope if it would've been some one who I really knew well?????

One things for sure life's not permanent. The only thing thats permanent is change. Thats how life is. But we are still humans and for that fact, according to my beliefs we are yet to attain nibbana for then only we'll lose all this stupid feelings and come into a state of self realization.......